August202014

puppetmasternaegi:

2xpistolsandawink:

nottheshepardyourelookingfor:

aktwerkthatbooty:

Jesus Christ.

THIS IS MY FAVORITE.

I just hurt myself laughing

Jesus, you JESUS.

OH MY GOD

(Source: candywater, via pokelitnerd)

5PM

BTS 5x16

feenyismyspiritanimal if you were to have an apron…

BTS 5x16

feenyismyspiritanimal if you were to have an apron…

(Source: fuckyeslittleliars, via fitzandmontgomery)

5PM

stashingbooks:

lib-tech-in-the-tardis:

mariethelibrarian:

stashingbooks:

I waited too long to buy the sequels to a series and now the covers don’t match

this is a serious problem.

what about when a publisher changes the covers midway though the first print run?

this is also a serious problem

(via pokelitnerd)

9AM
heyfunniest:

I’ll do anything. ANYTHING.

heyfunniest:

I’ll do anything. ANYTHING.

(via dizzyupthecow)

August192014

(Source: mattymara, via expectingvinny)

3PM

cross out the things you’ve done

Graduated high school. Kissed someone. Collected something really stupid. Smoked a cigarette. Got so drunk you passed out. Rode every ride at an amusement park. Gone to a rock concert. Helped someone. Gone fishingWatched four movies in one night. Gone long periods of time without sleep. Lied to someone. Snorted cocaine. Failed a class. Smoked weed. Dealt drugs. Been in a car accident. Been in a tornado. Been to a funeral. Burned yourselfRan a marathon. Cried yourself to sleep. Spent over £200 in one dayFlown on a plane. Cheated on someone. Been cheated on. Written a 10 page letter. Gone skiing. Been sailing. Lost someone you loved. Shoplifted something. Been to jail. Dangerously close to being in jail. Skipped school. Had detention. Got in trouble for something you didn’t do. Stolen books from the library. Gone to a different country. Dropped out of school. Watched the “Harry Potter” movies. Had an online diaryHad a yard sale. Had a lemonade stand. Actually made money at the lemonade stand. Been in a school play. Been fired from a job. Swam with dolphins. Taken a lie detector test. Voted for someone on a reality TV show. Written poetry. Read more than 20 books a year. Gone to EuropeLoved someone you shouldn’t haveUsed a coloring book over age 12. Had surgery. Taken a taxiSeen the Washington Monument.Had more than 5 IM’s/online conversations going at once. Overdosed. Been in a fist fight. Gone surfing in California. Had a hamster/guinea pig. Pet a wild animal. Used a credit card. Did “spirit day” at school. Dyed your hair. Got a tattoo. Got straight A’s. Been on the Honor Roll. Know someone with HIV or AIDS. Made-out with someone. Played on a sports team. Snuck out of the house. Swore at a teacher. Gone laser tagging. Had a romantic relationship. Been on the TV. French braided. Skinny-dipped. Driven a car. Performed in front of an audience. Gone bungee-jumping. Been to Mexico. Crashed a car. Sky dived. Been kissed in the rain. Made an 11:11 wish. Drank alcohol. Forwarded a chain letter. Made a mistake.

(Source: larryishellacute, via minecraft-at-221b)

10AM
aimingforthefuckinglighttree:

Australian media strikes again…

I mean, this looks fun even when sober??

aimingforthefuckinglighttree:

Australian media strikes again…

I mean, this looks fun even when sober??

(via dizzyupthecow)

8AM
fuckyeahthespianpeacock:

saltheria:

yeffyaboyuice:

mythchief:

So there I was, ready to take a shower. I mean, I was dirty, a little greasy, a shower was not such a horrible idea. People take showers, amiright? Of course!
I get naked.
FULL naked.
REAL naked.
I’m talking the exact opposite reason why you ever went to your grandmother’s house.
No cookies. Blatant nudity.
That’s how folks take showers these days, right? Well, I pull back the curtain…
And there it was.
This…thing…sitting on the little soap/shower/pube shelf. Not a care in the world, like it’s been there for years. “What the fuck is that?” I think to myself.
Now, what follows is the exact pattern of thought that took me from rational human being to Sloth in 3.4 seconds.
“Is that a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit? Holy fuck that’s a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit. OMG why would someone leave that unattended. Those things are so delicious. I’m gonna eat the fuck out of it. Man, I can’t wait to see whoever left it’s face when they come back to find that someone ate their cheesy biscuit’s fuck. Ohhh boy.”
Then my brain sent a message to my arm that said, “Reach for that cheesy biscuit, bitch. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!?”
As you must already know, we are all contractually bound to make a dickload of mistakes throughout our lifetime. Some of those mistakes are so big that they forever hinder our world and warrant entire chapters in our children’s history books. However, most mistakes have the dubious providence of merely haunting one’s soul and festering amidst the subconscious for always and eternity.
This was, nearly, one of those.
If my adjacency to failure could be measured, the only possible unit of measurement to appropriate it would be “baby condoms”. And no, I do not mean those horrendous papoose-like titty-cribs that the slovenly carriage their spawn around in in Wal-Mart, I mean condoms that a baby would wear.
My adjacency to failure was roughly 1 and a half Kiddie Trojans.
I’m not sure what stopped me, be it cosmic or supernatural, but it gave my brain just enough time to ask itself some rather important questions regarding this little tub treasure. Questions like:
“WHO, THE FUCK, WOULD LEAVE A CHEESY BISCUIT IN MY SHOWER?!”
And inquiries such as:
“AND WHY WERE YOU GOING TO EAT IT, MORON?!”
Seriously, was I so hungry that I would wantonly disobey all the integral conditioning and survival imprinting my parents bestowed upon me like the ever important, “Um, don’t eat that biscuit, you don’t know where it’s been or whose it is and also you found it in the shower.” in order to satisfy something so benign as a munchie?
That, I’m sorry to say, was pretty much my reality.
An early morning introspective psychological evaluation of a sad, hungry, naked man who almost ate a bar of soap.

OMG ITS BACK

This shit needs to be published.

This is going in the monologue section and I’m not even sorry.

fuckyeahthespianpeacock:

saltheria:

yeffyaboyuice:

mythchief:

So there I was, ready to take a shower. I mean, I was dirty, a little greasy, a shower was not such a horrible idea. People take showers, amiright? Of course!

I get naked.

FULL naked.

REAL naked.

I’m talking the exact opposite reason why you ever went to your grandmother’s house.

No cookies. Blatant nudity.

That’s how folks take showers these days, right? Well, I pull back the curtain…

And there it was.

This…thing…sitting on the little soap/shower/pube shelf. Not a care in the world, like it’s been there for years. “What the fuck is that?” I think to myself.

Now, what follows is the exact pattern of thought that took me from rational human being to Sloth in 3.4 seconds.

“Is that a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit? Holy fuck that’s a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit. OMG why would someone leave that unattended. Those things are so delicious. I’m gonna eat the fuck out of it. Man, I can’t wait to see whoever left it’s face when they come back to find that someone ate their cheesy biscuit’s fuck. Ohhh boy.”

Then my brain sent a message to my arm that said, “Reach for that cheesy biscuit, bitch. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!?”

As you must already know, we are all contractually bound to make a dickload of mistakes throughout our lifetime. Some of those mistakes are so big that they forever hinder our world and warrant entire chapters in our children’s history books. However, most mistakes have the dubious providence of merely haunting one’s soul and festering amidst the subconscious for always and eternity.

This was, nearly, one of those.

If my adjacency to failure could be measured, the only possible unit of measurement to appropriate it would be “baby condoms”. And no, I do not mean those horrendous papoose-like titty-cribs that the slovenly carriage their spawn around in in Wal-Mart, I mean condoms that a baby would wear.

My adjacency to failure was roughly 1 and a half Kiddie Trojans.

I’m not sure what stopped me, be it cosmic or supernatural, but it gave my brain just enough time to ask itself some rather important questions regarding this little tub treasure. Questions like:

“WHO, THE FUCK, WOULD LEAVE A CHEESY BISCUIT IN MY SHOWER?!”

And inquiries such as:

“AND WHY WERE YOU GOING TO EAT IT, MORON?!”

Seriously, was I so hungry that I would wantonly disobey all the integral conditioning and survival imprinting my parents bestowed upon me like the ever important, “Um, don’t eat that biscuit, you don’t know where it’s been or whose it is and also you found it in the shower.” in order to satisfy something so benign as a munchie?

That, I’m sorry to say, was pretty much my reality.

An early morning introspective psychological evaluation of a sad, hungry, naked man who almost ate a bar of soap.

OMG ITS BACK

This shit needs to be published.

This is going in the monologue section and I’m not even sorry.

(via allthedirtygirlswantbenedict)

8AM

lickieloo:

foxandgeese:

Nancy Drew Game Abbreviations

I always say them out like they’re words, even if they aren’t. I never say “t-r-t,” I say Trrrrt. 

trrrrrt. waaac. tmmmb. haUUUUUuuu.

Same!!

(Source: perpetuallylocked, via dizzyupthecow)

August182014
9PM

batreaux:

you finally sneak into the dragon’s cave and find his treasure chest. you open it and there is just a macaroni drawing by the dragon’s son.

"ITS TREASURE TO MEEEEE" the dragon bellows 

8PM

jojje94:

Notification trolling.

(via vanweyden)

8PM

thismapisoldnews:

blueeyedmenace:

The walking dead// Rick Grimes dad jokes

IM FUCKING CRYING

(via vanweyden)

8PM

ladypaceofmirkwood:

I’ve figured it out: My type is tall, handsome and dorky as fuck

(via hiddlestoner21)

8PM

cookiesincoffeecans:

theverylostprincess:

daisyinaglass:

I CAN NOT GET OVER THIS

how does 6 seconds have such a drastic plot twist

WHAT

(Source: vinegod, via vanweyden)

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